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It Wasn’t Gross. It Was Love.

February 12, 2013

I am not the same person I was before I came here…  I can’t and never will look at the world through the same pair of eyes.  People are people.  They have lives that are real.  Emotions that are real.  Struggles that are real.  They are no longer just intangible strangers I see through the television that can’t see me back.  I can’t just turn them off and go back to my easy going life… Nor would I ever want to.  I cannot tell you how much… I guess just how much I love.  I feel so comfortable when I am in the villages now, especially the fishing village we came to when we first arrived.  I remember feeling so far from home at first, so out of place, so unsure of everything.  I remember being grossed out by the lice…  But the last time I was there, I sat with my friends.  They picked through my hair and handed me all the baby lice they found in my hair for me to pop.  It wasn’t gross.  It was love.  I felt so loved by them.  I have yet to pick their lice for them, but I’m sure there’ll come a day…  It is really hard for me to even think back on my initial thoughts…  things I never thought I could do, things I never thought I could endure have become a part of my everyday life.  What was so far out of my comfort zone has become my comfort zone.

There are times that are hard and times when I wonder what on earth I am supposed to do, and many times I feel so inadequate.  But I always learn.  I always move forward.  And every time, I am so amazed by how God puts everything together… and how He could use someone who was as self-centered as me.  Someone who still lets those old feelings creep in every now and again.  Someone who has to constantly remind herself to take up her cross and follow.  Believe me, I am the least likely of sorts.  I am the girl who would turn bright red and tear up if I had to talk aloud in class.  I am the girl who sat and accepted a zero for a grade in her college speech class, rather than perform a comedy act.  I was terrified of what others might think of me, terrified that I wouldn’t live up to their standards, terrified to fail.  Don’t get me wrong. I still get butterflies in my stomach.  I still sweat, shake… and pray.  The good thing is, knowing that I don’t have to live up to anybody’s standards… that God loves me for me… And the great thing is, that I can never fail.  The victory is already won. I am on the winning team.  🙂

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. February 12, 2013 3:04 pm

    Hi to all of you,
    You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
    Jeff

  2. February 12, 2013 4:07 pm

    Ditto Little Sister!

  3. February 12, 2013 4:32 pm

    MANDI I THINK OF YOU ALL DAILY.PLEASE STAY HAPPY AND DO COME HOME SOMEDAY. WITHPRAYERS FOR ALL. GRANNIE

  4. February 12, 2013 6:37 pm

    I love you so much! Thank you for sharing what so many of us feel and fear. And reminding us that God can use us if we just trust Him to do it!! God is so good!!

  5. Dale Nissen permalink
    February 12, 2013 10:22 pm

    Great message and I appreciate your thoughts. Thanks Dale Nissen

    _____

  6. February 15, 2013 2:26 pm

    Wow!! What a neat lesson that is for all of us! Just some of the smallest things in life (even when gross) speak Love the loudest. I see this so often in the medical field with family taking care of their loved ones. Something most of us would freak out about and think totally disgusting is done for one they love, and usually with a smile….Keep up the good fight, we love and pray for ya’ll all the time. p.s. they read a note from you guys in church a couple of Sundays ago and I saw a few tears…..thanks for the updates!!!

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