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No, Never!

July 24, 2012

You know what I really want… My wonderful sister-in-law is sending us a box with stuff in it like Neosporin, Tylenol, stero-strips, anti-diarrheal, a big thing of picante sauce and tortilla chips (woohoo ;))… I can really use all these things but the thing I want most lately doesn’t come in a box….

I want perfect faith….

I want to be able to come to God without a single doubt in my mind. I don’t know that I have ever been able to do that. The closest I think I ever came is the first time I flew here to the Philippines, back in June of 2011. I remember having complete faith and peace as I sat on the plane that would take me across the world. I sat there, before take-off, with the surest calm, collected feeling I ever remember having in that type of situation… leaving my kids behind, flying, going to a third-world country… but in that moment I knew I was where God wanted me to be and I found absolute comfort in that. But since we have gotten here and brought our family, I lost that sense of assuredness along the way and I find myself often doubting and lacking faith. And then I get in this tug-of-war with myself and I get really down on myself for having such little faith. I have tried to ‘fake it til I make it’ but God knows me. He knows my heart and there’s no faking it with Him. I think it’s funny because often the lessons I come up with for the children are lessons that I need to hear and I don’t even realize it. We were discussing the miracles of Jesus and we talked about Him walking on water and then Peter doing the same. I remember thinking ‘How on Earth could Peter lose faith right in the middle of walking on the water? I mean if I was literally walking on water to Jesus, I think the initial act of doing it would give me enough faith to make it all the way, don’t you?” That visual popped back into my head just now as I am writing. I get it now… in this very moment…I get it… I am doing the same exact thing. I stepped out in faith with Jesus but in the midst of my walk, I doubted and I am sinking because of it.

Perfect Faith… In a sermon by Charles Stanley he gave a list of questions to ask yourself in order to correct wavering faith…

1. Where do these doubts come from? Where are these doubts coming from that I’m feeling, causing me to want to waiver?

2. Has God ever failed me in the past?

3. Has He not promised to meet all my needs?

4. Did He not give me the Holy Spirit… to live within me… to enable me to do whatever He requires of me in life?

5. Did He not promise to be with me at all times?

6. Is anything too hard for God?

7. Is this one of those forks in the road, in which my unbelief could cause me a lifetime of regret?

…I asked myself these questions…

1. Satan and my weak, weak flesh

2. No, Never!

3. Yes “But when I ask, I must believe and not doubt because when I doubt I am like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” James 1:6

4. Definitely! The greatest, clearest sense of peace ever… like no other!

5. “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5, Deuteronomy 31:6,8, Joshua 1:5

6. “In the beginning God created the HEAVEN and the EARTH.” Genesis 1:1 Hello

7. I’d say this is pretty significant…

…“Lord I believe; help my unbelief!” Mark 9:24

I sure am glad I’m not the only one… And it’s sad to say but I find comfort in the weakness of others… especially people during Jesus’s time… It’s a reminder that God can use each and every one of us… despite ourselves…

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. July 28, 2012 8:08 am

    Amen!! I loved every word. Oh my gosh, I can’t wait to get there and see you! Honestly, I was starting to doubt we would ever actually come. Have you ever known a trip to face more obstacles than this one? It’s almost funny. Almost. But at the exact right moment, a friend I don’t know well, came over and without me saying anything said, “Don’t doubt what God has called you to do. He has called you. And He will make it happen. The closer you get, the more you will be attacked. But don’t worry, He will make it happen.” Ahhhh, sweet relief from the elephant sitting on my chest. No worries – God is working it all out. We can just sit back and enjoy the journey 🙂

  2. July 29, 2012 12:04 pm

    You will make it!!! And I, for one cannot wait!!! Sit back and enjoy the journey… because when you get here it’s going to be quite a ride 😉

  3. July 30, 2012 11:21 pm

    Wilson Family, I cant wait to get there on Aug. 14 to just sample a small part of your Ministry!! Y’all are forever in my prayers.

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